robo-racism (transformers) 2 review

transformers 2 is a great movie, if by great you mean only looking at the total cost of a film's production value and not at the actual directing, writing, or acting involved in the film.

so let's start by analyzing the good robots. the lack of auto-bot interaction is a let down, since we pretty much only get to hear optimus speak. i should say speak "intelligently" since the only other auto-bots are the most racist things i've ever seen in years. and this is coming from a guy who watches Paul Mooney standup on the reg. Anyone who has seen the film knows that I'm referring to the two "black" robots that are intended to be the films comic relief, but end up becoming an annoying joke with black people as the ultimate punch line, let's not be coy, it's obvious to anyone with half a brain and any sense of social dignity. i want to know what black people feel regarding these two characters, as they do nothing but reinforce the worst kinds of stereotypes. we never see a team of good robots interacting with each other, at least not in a non-racist way.

now the bad robots. the decepticons stole the show, as they had the best acting (voice acting granted) in the film, and at least we got to see them talk to one another and spend a few minutes developing their characters a bit. although sadly, megatron does NOT take orders from anyone, he gives them.

now the unnecessary robots. the constructicons were thrown in at the last second and formed more of a robo-monster/dragon than any kind of voltron-esque robot and were completly ancillary villains, to fight the ancillary heroes, trying to protect the ancillary humans. all of the people/robots involved with that whole constructicon sequence could have been edited out of the film and it would have made it better. except john turturro, i could watch him read the phone book.

now the actress. megan fox did a great job letting her tits/legs/ass do the acting for her, but hey, that's what she's paid for, so not much to write about there. standard hollywood female-objectification.

now the ending. the final battle sequence has so many explosions that you don't know what caused them, who they are aimed at, who is getting hurt by them, where they happen, which one is making the camera shake violently, and which one bruce willis is supposed to drive through to save the day. which may have made for a better ending.

now the plot. the story is full of massive plot wholes that anyone with a handle on critical thinking/analysis could find with no trouble. if aliens invade earth (the first film), it becomes a GLOBAL issue, not one that AMERICA deals with exclusively. the Witwiky's family would have been taken into some kind of witness protection program and become "contracted" employees of some government organization, not allowed to go to college and continue to harbor alien life in the garage.

now the breakdown. if the bad guys have the scientific sophistication to replicate the body of a human (the sexy lady who seduces sam in college), then why wouldn't they use that same technology to, oh i don't know, pose as the president. thus gaining access to the safely stored piece of the all-spark. or take it a step further and pose as sam's father/mother/girlfriend/dog/cactus anything in order to get closet enough to kill/rape him? the obstacle the villains face, could have easily been sidestepped if they would have used their own tech more efficiently, but maybe i'm giving an advanced alien life form too much credit.

now the truth. people raised in the 80's and 90's should have their assholes so torn apart by repeated film adaptations from things in their childhood, that this film should be able to glide in and out without much trouble.

now i pray. i pray that when the THUNDERCATS movie comes out, and it will, that cheetarah has a shower scene. and since she is a cat-person, you know exactly where i'm going with this. that's right. freaky leg stretch maneuver + modern computer grpahics = another waste of $11 during the summer time.

eBay you cheeky bitch, sony you rat bastards,

i hear ebay is taking 10% of the stuff u sell, but they DON'T tax you on the shipping costs. bastards are gonna take 30 cents from me, on my whopping guitar hero key chain i found on the ground at best buy years ago, instead of the 15 cents i agreed upon. to quote the only black guy in star wars, "this deal gets worse all the time". Lando we hardly knew ye. so long as the hedonism of the american consumer hasn't dwindled then i should still be selling stuff pretty adequately, i hope.

also my playstation 3 crapped out on me last week, as soon as i get resident evil 5 and infamous, go figgy pudding. sony wants to look at it for up to 2 months for $150 with no promise of them fixing anything. and to think i ever trusted them, the bastards. luckily there are a few repair shops just for broken consoles/handhelds nearby, so its only $100 to swap the whole blu-ray laser assembly. now for the hard part, having to wait until sometime this week when i get the call to go pick it up. but no school/work/motivation for anything useful leaves me with a lot of time to anxiously tap my watch in anticipation. comics have been really good lately which sadly means i read them like lightning and are done with the whole lot of 'em before much time has passed. i'm sure when i get it back and get to killing some zombies/ninjas it will have felt like no time passed at all. which brings me to my sad conclusion.

"In time, all things are forgotten."


night turns into day,
folding time in my pocket,
pacing with the stars.

the spirit

is more of a visual audio book of the spirit's exposition slash tie blowing in the wind slash another movie where Samuel L Jackson is forced to carry to the weight of the whole film slash blatant advertise for converse but i don't mind entirely that much slash i wish my life had that black tone filter going on right its badass slash some other kind of thing.

its a real love hate change-up with that film. that police chief is so stale is makes my eyes dry up in seconds.

but that united states of Tara show is really interesting.

stand up and do comedy

or rather sit down. the last few days I've been recording my first in-home standup comedy album, and I'm proud to say I'm dangerously close to an hour of material. but it is currently in the beta stage for certain lucky listeners, so there will be cuts and tweaks to the joke roster. realizing i can use the mic from my rock band kit on my PC, means i am going to have to re record most of the material but it's worth the sound quality difference. hopefully it will be funny, or at the least a bit insightful, which no one wants to hear, so let's try and err on the side of comedy huh folks?

also, making little jingles with my crappy built in synthesizer is pretty fun, must learn to use audacity or something for polish.