robo-racism (transformers) 2 review

transformers 2 is a great movie, if by great you mean only looking at the total cost of a film's production value and not at the actual directing, writing, or acting involved in the film.

so let's start by analyzing the good robots. the lack of auto-bot interaction is a let down, since we pretty much only get to hear optimus speak. i should say speak "intelligently" since the only other auto-bots are the most racist things i've ever seen in years. and this is coming from a guy who watches Paul Mooney standup on the reg. Anyone who has seen the film knows that I'm referring to the two "black" robots that are intended to be the films comic relief, but end up becoming an annoying joke with black people as the ultimate punch line, let's not be coy, it's obvious to anyone with half a brain and any sense of social dignity. i want to know what black people feel regarding these two characters, as they do nothing but reinforce the worst kinds of stereotypes. we never see a team of good robots interacting with each other, at least not in a non-racist way.

now the bad robots. the decepticons stole the show, as they had the best acting (voice acting granted) in the film, and at least we got to see them talk to one another and spend a few minutes developing their characters a bit. although sadly, megatron does NOT take orders from anyone, he gives them.

now the unnecessary robots. the constructicons were thrown in at the last second and formed more of a robo-monster/dragon than any kind of voltron-esque robot and were completly ancillary villains, to fight the ancillary heroes, trying to protect the ancillary humans. all of the people/robots involved with that whole constructicon sequence could have been edited out of the film and it would have made it better. except john turturro, i could watch him read the phone book.

now the actress. megan fox did a great job letting her tits/legs/ass do the acting for her, but hey, that's what she's paid for, so not much to write about there. standard hollywood female-objectification.

now the ending. the final battle sequence has so many explosions that you don't know what caused them, who they are aimed at, who is getting hurt by them, where they happen, which one is making the camera shake violently, and which one bruce willis is supposed to drive through to save the day. which may have made for a better ending.

now the plot. the story is full of massive plot wholes that anyone with a handle on critical thinking/analysis could find with no trouble. if aliens invade earth (the first film), it becomes a GLOBAL issue, not one that AMERICA deals with exclusively. the Witwiky's family would have been taken into some kind of witness protection program and become "contracted" employees of some government organization, not allowed to go to college and continue to harbor alien life in the garage.

now the breakdown. if the bad guys have the scientific sophistication to replicate the body of a human (the sexy lady who seduces sam in college), then why wouldn't they use that same technology to, oh i don't know, pose as the president. thus gaining access to the safely stored piece of the all-spark. or take it a step further and pose as sam's father/mother/girlfriend/dog/cactus anything in order to get closet enough to kill/rape him? the obstacle the villains face, could have easily been sidestepped if they would have used their own tech more efficiently, but maybe i'm giving an advanced alien life form too much credit.

now the truth. people raised in the 80's and 90's should have their assholes so torn apart by repeated film adaptations from things in their childhood, that this film should be able to glide in and out without much trouble.

now i pray. i pray that when the THUNDERCATS movie comes out, and it will, that cheetarah has a shower scene. and since she is a cat-person, you know exactly where i'm going with this. that's right. freaky leg stretch maneuver + modern computer grpahics = another waste of $11 during the summer time.

No comments: