focus

sitting in an empty house, staring blankly ahead, trying to remain as out of focus as possible, like Bigfoot. maybe if i become blurry enough, everything else around me will become clearer. the people who we don't tell the truth to, become the ones who appreciate our honesty the most. what the fuck is wrong with people? the whole lot of them equate to a mess of lies, shambling around like they have nothing to hide or lose. what is the point, really? knowledge is power they say. yeah fucking right. knowing to keep my mouth shut leaves me feeling more irradiated than the nuclear fallout of an atomic bomb. would things be any different if i spoke up, if i defended the moral high ground? probably not. a different fallout would infect some other part of me no doubt and super mutants would run rampant across the wastelands looking for another human meal.
so you sit, you stew, you think about the two sides to every coin, and you try to not let it all be too much to fathom, to not let cosmos boss you around to and fro like your some third grade loser getting his/her shitty sandwiches kicked over the fence by bullies, to pretend you can exercise some control over your life, to make sure you won't make the same mistakes in the future, to wonder why you never said what you wanted, to do so many things that you probably won't end up doing. who has the time?

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